Donald Trump at the Mental Asylum?
by XenomorphFangirl123
Summary: Donald Trump gets diagnosed with a deadly disease only racist people can get, and teams up with Carter Burke to try to find the cure. Little do they know, their worst enemy is Jenette Vasquez herself, a female, Hispanic illegal alien... Donald's worst nightmare! And, this somehow turns into a Tomb Raider crossover later on. What could possibly await? Total randomness!
1. Chapter 1: Diagnosed with Vasqueztitis

**WARNING:** Easily triggered Trump supporters and people who have unstable minds from reading really bad fan fiction recently, you have been warned, **DO NOT** read this story. It's harmful to both your physical and mental condition. Likely to give you cancer. To those probably strong enough to go on (which is nobody), note that this is a story that is meant to depict a parody of current events, AKA Trump being president. Honestly, the authors of this story aren't Trump or Hilary supporters, we're pretty unbiased. Also, this story kind of pokes at a fantasy Anita Sarkeesian dreams about every day, in which women are better than men in pretty much every single way. The men in this story are **NOT** supposed to be depict men in real life. Not all men are cancerous, racist, sexist assholes, and anyone who believes that deserves to burn in hell. Also, you homophobes, run away and kill yourself. This story isn't for you. Last warning, we did not intend for this to be a good quality story that would gain any popularity, because we are terrible writers. And the new Alien: Covenant trailer sucks. And Alien: Resurrection does too. And AVP. And this story isn't supposed to make sense, there are plot holes everywhere. And we don't support illegal immigration, but we don't want their heads to be blown off either. Note this is from the perspective of Donald Trump. And this story ships Drake x Vasquez, even though Drake is a terrible boyfriend. And uh, that's all.

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 **Chapter 1: Diagnosed with Vasqueztitis**

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He knew these speeches would come back to haunt him...all those times...he made speeches about illegal immigrants...illegal aliens...and now one has come to haunt him. Donald's racist mind assumed that this man...well woman...was an illegal immigrant from the way she looked...she looked Mexican and had that accent...spoke Spanish...of course she was illegal. He couldn't quite find out where he...she was from. He discussed her with everyone he met...but no one had a damn clue. He went to a doctor, talking about the way she look to the way she spoke. Donald trusted this man. He was a billionaire and of course billionaires are very trustworthy.

Donald walked into the rooms, sitting on the plush chair made of the extinct dodo bird feathers. The doctor sat next to him and told him to tell him all about these dreams...

"Doctor, I keep having these dreams. He, I mean she...she just comes...attacking me with a gun screaming...'LET'S ROCK!' I don't know what to do doctor...about him...I mean her," Donald said shakily, shivering with fright as the dream flashed through his doctor visibly flinched as he made the diagnosis.

"Donald...you are diagnosed with Vasqueztitis," the doctor said.

All of the doctors in the world feared of having a patient with this phobia because it spreads easily... to racist people...and of course the doctor was one.

"Donald...most racist males with specifically double Y blood type... yes the crazy blood type from Alien 3... have this deadly phobia...half of America's population... is diagnosed with Vasqueztitis," the doctor said fearfully hoping he would still get paid a shit ton of money.

The doctor went on...beads of sweat layered on his forehead, "There is no way to cure this phobia. JUST MAKE SURE TO NOT PISS HER OFF IN YOUR DREAMS...you will die in your sleep...and if you threaten her with Drake...you is a dead man...YOU A DEAD MAN!"

Grabbing his paycheck, the doctor fled the room...papers flying everywhere for the fear that the deadly phobia would spread to him.

Donald stood there...dumbfounded.

"The woman...the badass woman...was actually going to kill him...KILL ME THE GREAT DONALD EFFING TRUMP!?" He yelled, laughing maniacally.

"This ILLEGAL immigrant..some farmer probably...she is probably cleaning my toilets...right?"

His voice cracked at the end because as much as he wanted to act strong about this whole thing...he knew that this manly badass woman...was what he feared most. Illegal immigrants were people who he thought were animals..but of course this one wasn't an animal...she was a SAVAGE. And as much as he hated her...he would never want to get on the bad side of...this...monstrous...badass...woman.

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 **Yes, that was the shittiest most sexist prologue/chapter you guys have ever seen in your entire lives. It DOES get better (no it doesn't). So uh... see you in chapter 2! (No one)**


	2. Chapter 2: The Search Begins

**Chapter 2: The Search Begins**

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Donald woke up, covered in sweat clinging to his saggy just had a terrible dream of dying from Vasqueztitis...and that mysterious woman was screaming, "LETSSS ROCK!" He was going to sue his doctor when he got back. Donald knew that if he didn't do anything, he was going to die mentally and he would never live to see the election. He couldn't let that witch Hillary win! Donald started crying because he didn't know what to do….he was going to die and there was no way to stop it. Suddenly Donald stopped crying and "manned" up. He knew he would stop being a coward and at least die doing something. He would have to look for a cure, explore. He would have to be Lara Croft….

"Grrrr….Angelina Jolie…" he growled.

But of course, he had to FIND out who this woman was.

"Probably an ILLEGAL immigrant," he thought, "We don't need more of those!"

He started ranting about the wall to his cat, who wanted to kill himself, until he realized he had to get back to the search.

"Donald, at least find the woman…..You need to search EVERYWHERE!" said the cat to him. It was actually Donald talking to himself, but he was so lonely, he hallucinated his cat talking.

"Ok Putin. I will!"

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 **To be continued with this shitty story... (don't worry the chapters grow MUCH longer later on)**


	3. Chapter 3: Finding the Truth

**Chapter 3- Finding the Truth**

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Donald was searching everywhere. Photos, his maids, T.V shows, movies, commercials etc….trying to find out who the goddamn woman was. Of course, he could've just ASKED his doctor...but he didn't trust him...he was Asian...therefore Chinese and those people are unworthy to him. Of course he could've realized that the woman was IN THE NAME of the disease...but of course his IQ was 2 and his brain couldn't go THAT far.

"Where would this WOMAN be! ARGHHHH!" Donald exclaimed angrily, "When I find her, she will be washing my toilets, not shooting something, screaming 'LETSS ROCK!' "

Donald shuddered at the flashback of the dream. He almost pissed himself.

"Just keep going Donald, YOU CAN DO THIS!"

Donald watched couple of episodes of Dora the Explorer for some motivation. Hey, he hated Mexicans, but Dora was his role model.

" _You can lead the waaaaayyyy! Doooo-do Dora-Dooooo-do do Dora…..DORA THE EXPLORER!"_ Donald sang to himself, while looking at photos of his second wife.

* _ **FLAAASSSSSHHHHBACCCKKK-FLASSSHHHHBACK***_

" _Donald, let's go! I heard this movie is really good Donald! Come on!"_

" _Marla, I don't know….."_

" _Please, it is SUCH a good sci-fi movie! Look, people are cosplaying as some characters!"_

 _There was a group of people dressed up in marines uniform….and sure enough there was someone dressed as the same lady in his dream._

 _ ***BACK TO SHITTY REALITY***_

"It's a sci-fi movie…...A SCI-FI MOVIE!" Donald screamed.

 _To be continued…..._

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 **He has finally found the truth! **GASP****


	4. Chapter 4: The Next Step

**Chapter 4: The Next Step**

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Donald searched rapidly through the documents about sci-fi movies. He checked everything.

"Yes! This woman is in the sci-fi and horror section!" he said. He heard feminists talk about how they hated this woman because she was so manly, she had to be in _Aliens_! HE WAS SURE OF IT! Donald turned on his TV and started playing Aliens. He was so caught up in it until he saw Burke's face, so he skipped thirty minutes. FInally, he saw this woman doing pull-ups!

"Yes! It was her!" Donald said excitedly, but with lingering fright at the sight of her _._ Donald broke his TV by smashing his remote against it and called his doctor.

His doctor picked up. "Yes, Donald?"

"Doctor, you have to help me!" Donald said. "I've found the woman, she's from _Aliens_!"

"OMG DONALD! I ALREADY KNEW THAT! YOU COULD'VE ASKED ME!"

"BY JOLLY! WE DON'T HAVE A CURE EITHER! THIS IS TERRIBLE!" Donald exclaimed.

"Donald, unfortunately…..There is a possibility that there is a chance at a cure….I never liked your racist ass...but there is a cure…."

"WHERE?!" Donald screamed into the phone.

The doctor took a long sigh before speaking in the phone.

"Mexico. Caverns. "

"AGHHAGHAGHAGHAGHGAHGAH! WHY?!"

"I am sorry Donald… I know you're racist but you have to if you want to live!"

Donald snapped his phone in two (or tried to because he is pretty weak,) and gritted his teeth (or dentures.) He started packing up his suitcase with his business suits, his one million phones that weren't, broken, or dented, and a picture of Hillary's face scratched out by his cat. He also packed a blonde wig, in case the wig he was wearing would fall out and suntan lotion so he doesn't look black because he is racist.

It was now or never…..he would have to be Lara Croft…

"Screw you, Angelina Jolie…"

 _To be continued..._

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 **Oh shit, Donald's taking the next fucking step...DUN DUN DUN!**

 **And the chapters get longer...**


End file.
